I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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