He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
