What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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