I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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