hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
