I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
