3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
