if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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