I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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