benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
