Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize