Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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