I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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