Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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