dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
