just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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