New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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