ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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