this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
