Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
