I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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