I wannas sexs uuuuu
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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