i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
