he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My underwear smells like fireworks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
this just has baby written all over it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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