and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
