I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
