omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
