I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
