she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
