I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
