I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
