Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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