I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
