I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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