You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
