Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
