Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
