remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
