he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
