On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
