yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
