Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
