Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
