im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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