foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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