If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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