Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
