So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
