Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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