my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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