Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
