4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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