today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
