and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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