I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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