I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
how does that bad decision feel?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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