Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
false alarm, still single
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