I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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