I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
