Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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