The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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