I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
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period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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